1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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