did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
