I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
