I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
