you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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