Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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