I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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