If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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