Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
