Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
