God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
