At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
