Operation Purity has been aborted
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
