One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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