Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
