I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
