Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
