so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
