I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
