you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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