would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
