It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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