I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
