Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
