not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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