so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
