things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
