I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
