Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
