thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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