I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
