I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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