i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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