And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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