im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
