i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
