If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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