tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
