Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
