I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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