Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
