She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
how drunk are you?
Several
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
