6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
