I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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