I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
