If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
