R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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