Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
