I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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