Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
