I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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