How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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