dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
