i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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