we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
