You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My dad is sitting where you rode me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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