drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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