I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
