The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
