so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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