wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
